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Fit for a New Year

December 31st, 2009 · No Comments

I’m sitting in Matt’s new Honda Fit.  We bought the Fit when we realized he had been driving our 2001 Saturn SL without gear oil for, oh, who knows how long?  Ever since the babies came (and the rest of the chaos that happened after) checking the Saturn’s gear oil level had fallen low, low, low on our list of priorities.  We knew we didn’t want to deal with rebuilding the transmission, nor did we want to worry about an unreliable car on the 18-mile commute to work, so we just decided to do what was inevitable anyway:  buy Matt a new commuting car.

The Fit is zippy and fun, although the upright seating and small front end made Matt feel at first like he was driving a desk chair.  Happily I  can drive it without getting dizzy, and turns out it’s also plenty comfortable for hiding out with the laptop. 

Good thing, too, because even though Matt gamely took on the task of caring for two sick kiddos today so I could go somewhere and think, the whole city felt too crowded for me to settle down and concentrate.  After spending hours at the cafe trying to ignore business meetings (he’s starting a new salon), phone calls (she’s quitting her job, thanks for being so supportive), and the hiss and squeal of the espresso machine (the coffee is fresh, isn’t it?) I left for the library.  The library wasn’t much better.  All the regulars were there, restlessly dawdling and snapping the newspaper just to stay out of the cold; teenage boys huddled over laptops and slouched at the desktops playing computer games; children ran flat-footed up and down the stairs while their mothers looked for a book.  I hoped people might be out of my way and doing something interesting today, maybe getting ready for their New Year’s Eve.  Anyway, that’s what I’d be doing if could, traveling for visits and seeing who brought fireworks and checking the freezer for tamales left over from Christmas. 

And the arrival of 2010 really does seem worth celebrating.  The year 2009 seems to have been dominated by bad politics and a bad economy.  It seems like the whole country is ready to move on.

Year 2009, I kept high hopes for you, but by December I was more than ready to move on.  This mothering-with-an-injured-brain gig has really worn my down; it’s better, sure, but world still seems so loud and busy, even (and sometimes especially) at home.  That’s not good for anybody, is it?  Maybe that’s why I don’t feel well sometimes.  All fall I wasn’t feeling right, and I don’t really know why.  The surgeon took out a piece of my insides and it didn’t seem to do the trick (or maybe it did and I just don’t know it yet?), and it’s hard sometimes not to have doubts about the whole affair.  Did I do something right?  Did I do something dumb?  I thought my body had been working pretty well until then and I’d pretty much been enjoying it.  Year 2009, I wanted to feel so capable and well, not broken and tired and confused and dizzy and overwhelmed by the rhythm of the every day.  I tried so hard to do the right thing, 2009, and so much just worked out wrong.  Year 2010 is going to be here soon, and I am ready to tell you goodbye.

What’s going to happen in 2010?  I have no plans, at least, not yet.  Right now I’m just admiring it the way it is, full of possibility and promise.  Here’s to a better year.

Tags: Bigger Pictures · Go Joyce Go · My Brain (& the AVM)

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